Sunday, June 26, 2011

Death of a Friend

Many years past when I had traveled in a far off land I found myself faced with a curious creature.  A jungle cat I called it, a pest the natives would correct me.  Orange with a crooked tail, smaller than the lot that plagued the forests, it still a babe could only stare up at me with its yellow inquisitive eyes.  I was instantly on guard for a mother, no animal would be without one at this age but as I stared at the diminutive creature curiously looking left and right I knew it to be alone.  I considered leaving him then but a moment later the cat was at my leg, sniffing once then butting into me playfully.  It would not survive on its own.  It had decided on its path.  I had as well.

Domestication was easy.  That cat took to me unnaturally, willing to suspend its baser instincts in exchange for simple things such as food, water, affection.  In return I gained a hunting companion.  Many a day was spent in the forest hunting for all manner of beasts from the great lizards of Tuc'sone to the chitinous mantises that sullied the cliffs of Denton.  Side by side we stalked our prey, well in all honesty, he stalked.  I would frequently have to still myself long before we reached our quarry or face a disgusted look from the noble beast at my lack of stealth.  He did not like to run after all, a fact which he had made clear to me many a time as he lazily ignored the castle roaches just out of his reach.  He preferred instead to pounce from close distance, which is perhaps a side effect of his lavish lifestyle.  I had spoiled him greatly.

His own effect on me was much greater.  A strategist by nature, my thoughts frequently turn to paranoia and self-interest.  Allies are such in that there is a benefit to our acquaintance.  There can also become a weapon for your enemies.  I have spent a decade using people for my ends, dangling them from strings as if some street-side puppet master.  Never letting them close, giving them just enough to push them in the directions I need.  Over ten years I have come to care about few things.  Indifference brings you a type of freedom not many can know.  Your motivations are truly your own and can't be mediated by external influence.  Yet I am not truly indifferent to all things.  I have cared about that cat.  More so than many people I have known.  He is loyal, easy to read, and wants so few things from me in return.  In a life where I frequently move from kingdom to kingdom, sometimes on a whim, he has been a constant for over a decade.  I have people in my life now that matter to me.  He kept that window open.  He showed me that even after all the betrayals, after all the battles I have fought in, after all the horrors I have witnessed it was still possible to care about something.  Without that surly feline I would surely have traveled a much darker path.  My party of adventurers, the Apprentice, and the Woman were able to use that window that he kept open in order to become part of my life.   Whereas before they may have only been a means to an end, they have instead become an end in themselves.

The cat died last night.  He had lived a full long life for a jungle cat, wanting for little.  He had traveled farther than most people I have known to get to this place.  I know I did everything I could to keep him with me for a few seasons more but it was just his time.  I buried him in one of his favorite hunting grounds, churning the earth with my bare hands till they were raw.  May the gods take him now or at the very least allow his spirit to haunt those woods chasing every metallic tiger beetle and bird as he did when just a kitten.  That is how I will remember him.  My cat, my Hunter.              

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